Illuminated boats

We were at the Lime Kilns on the Ashby Canal tonight watching the illuminated narrowboat display and very good it was too. People had gone out of their way to make the effort with both their boats and with their own fancy dress. The theme was 'past times'. I fitted in quite well as my dress sense and some of my clothes come directly from the eighties. Most boaters followed the normal dress code on these occasions with waist coats and bonnets.

We got home again soon after nine because we dislike the whole new year thing and wanted to get back to the comfort of our home and in front of the fire to celebrate the new year. A night in with Jools Holland's Hootananny. We are boring buggers or so someone who has just rung up has told us. Play it Jools.

Happy New Year. Have a good one. We certainly will. Even it may be a little uncomfortable for the first couple of months it is the start of a new adventure.

Fixtures and fittings

We went out today and had a look around some kitchen and bathroom showrooms so as to decide on the quality of the fixtures we can buy. The biggest discussion is about tiles at present. The areas that, for example need tiling, are generally quite small so the quality of the tiles can be better as the quantity required is smaller for the same amount of money.

When looking in a tile warehouse I got much more excited about the impending opening of a Screwfix outlet next door. All the widgets and wadgets a man could want in one place. Quite sad really. I know where I will be spending much the the start of next year. I have used them in the past for mail order goodies but having a shop on your doorstep is brilliant.

Lisa is obviously more interested in the aesthetics and worries about the colours and what to place on the walls. I am more concerned that we have walls (I know, they're called bulkheads) at all. It seems to work well and most of our ideas are very similar but our priorities are very different. I am much more optimistic about the pace of the fit out (possibly stupidly so). She seems to think that we will be living in a small tent at the front of the boat, covered in sawdust, weeing in a bucket and getting our water from the cut. Maybe she'll be right and I'll be proved wrong (again).

We're now starting to think about the items that we will be placing on ebay in the new year but there doesn't seem to be much that we think others would require but it never ceases to amaze me how one person's tat is another's gold. Anybody want a cardboard box full of old videos. No, thought not.

Late Christmas present

The day itself went very well and we had the outlaws for lunch (no we didn't eat them). We had borrowed their combi-microwave the day before as ours is still not functioning correctly and I'd decided not to buy the new one (no surprise there). The cooking timings, that we had organised in quite a lot of detail beforehand, went flawlessly. It is usually a combined effort between Lisa and I and this year was no exception. There is always a lot of laughter when we are all together and never any falling out (although maybe a little grumpiness from me). The laughter may in part be due to the fact that they have lent us the money for fitting out the boat. We enjoyed the day enormously. Fortunately I fell asleep just as we were starting the Family Fortunes DVD interactive game and missed the whole thing (such a shame). They also watched the cartoon of Raymond Briggs 'Father Christmas' while I was asleep. Apparently there are some similarities between the main character and me. I can't see it myself. Happy bloomin' Christmas.

Now that that was all over we took a trip down to Hanbury Wharf today for the traditional Boxing Day walk. Our own village is full of ramblers as it always is this day every year. The intention was to see if the boat had arrived and indeed there it was moored at the yard (or at least it looked very like the boat in my plan and unless someone else has ordered a boat exactly the same I have to assume that it's ours). An ulterior motive for the trip was so I could try out Terri's new TomTom (boys and toys). It was quite good but I think I'll stick to my £1.99 AA map as there was nothing worse than having Lisa make conversation, the dog barking crazily, an automated voice telling me where to go at maximum volume (couldn't work out how to turn it down) and me unsure of exactly where I am in a car without any heating whatsoever and no water in the windscreen washer. Needless to say the return trip was made without the electronic gadgetry.

We are very pleased with the boat's looks from the outside at least and it's not riding as high in the water as I though it might. Still, we have got to hope there will be no high winds on the journey back to the Ashby. The maintenance window on the 11th to 14th January is now looking good which suits me just fine. Obviously we couldn't get access to it as the yard is shut and it still doesn't belong to us until we make the final payment. It looks like all the various orifices are in the right places but we could only see it from a distance and only the one side. Roll on the 2nd January.

Third stage payment

We have been called vagabonds in the pub by someone we had told we would be constant cruisers. Vagabonds! It is not a word we had heard any time in the last thirty years but it has a romantic, wind swept and interesting edge to it. I think I'm very happy with that. Vagabond. That'll do nicely. According to Jim Shead's site, there are 14 narrowboats called Vagabond on the system.

This is the first photo on the blog and such an interesting one as well. Paraffin heaters are starting to breed in our living room. These are to keep us toasty on the maiden voyage of the boat. The cylindrical one really throws out the heat. The other two are a bit like my granny's but effective nevertheless. With a bit of luck I'll actually have a photo of a boat on here soon.

We have just received the final stage payment invoice from the boatyard. This means that the boat is finished (well I hope so anyway). But, and it is a big 'but' (at least for me who wants everything now) the New Boat Company has closed for the holidays and will not reopen until the 2nd of January. This is akin to someone playing a practical joke on you, hiding around the corner sniggering and peeking to see your reaction. We may pop down sometime over the holidays to see if it's there.

Assuming that the boat will be ready to pick up in early January, due to the stoppage program and according to Waterscape, it looks like we have a three day window to get through the Tardebigge flight between the 11th and 14th of January with the next three day window on the 25th of January. We have now decided to leave the house at the end of February so either of these dates will suit our needs although the early window would obviously be much better as I can then cheat with my 30 day schedule and increase it somewhat. As I keep saying it's my schedule after all.

Paraffin and feeds

One of the paraffin heaters arrived today and I have been changing the wick and testing it. There is less smell than I remember and a lot more heat. In my old Grannies house (no not our Granny, my granny) I remember there were several paraffin heaters that would be lit half an hour before you were to use that particular room, ie just before you were to have a bath it was lit to warm up the bathroom. As I remember it (but it is all distinctly hazy) they did not exactly throw out the heat and every room seemed freezing. Maybe granny didn't light them. Hey, maybe my inability to spend money is genetic and has been passed down to me. I'm sure all you old people reading this will have memories of paraffin heaters. I'll pull up a sand bag and you can tell me stories of the war.

The old Tilley lamp was also tested as that mantle had arrived too. This was less successful as I was using petrol instead of meths to pre-heat it. I had to print off instructions from t'internet as I couldn't remember how it worked. The pre-heating element burst into flames and everything went black including the mantle, glass and my hands as I tried to put out the inferno. Trying again after cleaning up the spillages, the same thing happened but when I was attempting to get it up to pressure, paraffin started spurting out of the pump and all over my hands and workbench. The leather pump element had parted company from itself and there was nothing keeping the paraffin from escaping under pressure. Luckily I managed to get it all under control before I set my workshop alight. I have now ordered the relevant parts for the next episode of lamp lighting. I think it would be best if I used meths instead of the petrol.

I just got my narrowboat blog feeds up to 52. I really had no idea when I first started this that there would be fifty other people out there with blogs on their narrowboats or potential narrowboats. There are themes that run through many of them and some are obviously more interesting than others. But as Les on nbValerie says on his blog when someone (Anon) commented that his blog was “lifeless”, why waste your time reading something you don't enjoy. It's not lifeless by the way. I enjoy it and all the rest of them.

Ho, ho, ho.

Well that's it then. It's finally here. Others have already admitted it but I have been in denial until now. Today, I couldn't put it off any longer. I have been procrastinating, denying delaying and refusing but today was the end of all of that and, horror of horrors, I had to buy....... the tree. I can normally hold back the inevitable for so long that the trees at the local dead tree emporium are at half price (albeit with half of the needles missing). This purchase means that it is officially the Christmas period, at least in our household. It has become something of a game that Terri will badger me to buy the tree and I will come up with a stream of excuses, sometimes for several weeks. This year I was forced to pay full price for the thing. Fortunately it is also a celebration as it will be the last year I will have to buy a full sized dead tree and in future I will very probably get away with the artificial variety for the crotch (what Lisa calls the cratch).

As I'm not a huge fan of the theories of God, Adam Smith or Tom Peters, (or whoever the latest business guru is) there is little in Christmas of interest to me. The weather is dreadful, the telly is more dreadful than the normal dreadfulness that we pay the extortionate telly licence for and we have to eat Brussels sprouts (I hope we've all got our sprouts on. Three weeks I believe is traditional). There is not even a respite on the radio that tends to play the most appalling music imaginable, music so bad that it can't be played at any other time throughout the year.

It is merely an excuse to drink and eat more than we normally would (not a bad thing in itself). It's also the time of year when everybody appears much happier than the rest of the year. We also get turkey and I quite like turkey. I especially like turkey sandwiches with lots of unhealthy salt. I sometimes even get something I want as a present and we sometimes hear from people that we haven't heard from for some years. This year I actually got a card from my brother who I haven't heard from for six years (no sign of my sister who I haven't heard from for ten). Occasionally we give a present that others actually want and can tell when their face lights up. Terri's smile when she unwraps her big present. Maybe it's not so bad after all. Maybe.

Then again....

Chandlery visit

We visited Midland Chandlery today to check a few things out. It is amazing how little Lisa knows about what is involved with the boat fitting. Looking at all the sparkly items on display she kept asking, What is this for? What does this do? How will you fit that? Can we not get this from Ikea? Fortunately I had an answer for all the questions although it is only theoretical knowledge and it remains to be seen whether I will be able to convert that theory into practical application.

Lisa is more concerned in the colour of the tea towels and whether the mirror in our living room will fit into the boat. It's scary how little she realises of the work involved. Well it scares me anyway. She did say that she liked the Squirrel stove as the emblem on the side was just what she wanted. Well that's settled at least. That's obviously why it's the single most popular stove on the waterways. It must be wonderful to go through life announcing your arrival and wondering why the things you had asked to be done that very morning had not yet been completed to your satisfaction. With a wave of the hand further announce that you expect the job to be finished before the day is out. It was Billy Connelly who reckons the Queen thinks the world smells of paint as everything is painted just before she arrives.

We are also in the process of buying the countries complete stock of paraffin heaters from ebay so we've at least some heating for the journey from Hanbury Wharf back to the Ashby canal and for when I am fitting out. I've also dug out my father's old brass tilley lamp that hasn't been working for at least thirty years. I've no idea if it ever will work but there's no reason why not. I've ordered some mantles for that from the same source. What did we do before ebay? Now if I place the tilley lamp in a biscuit tin and position it on the roof at the front of the boat will I get away with it as a tunnel light? Don't answer that.

Broken furniture (and other broken things)

I promise, no ranting today. We have a tendency to break things. Or at least, Lisa has a tendency to break things. I, on the other hand, have a tendency to to fix them. That's why we have no nice items of furniture, ornaments or decoration. It's got nothing to do, as Lisa believes, with the fact that I am as tight as a ducks chuff and refuse to buy anything new. Lisa insists that when we move onto the boat, none of our old tat is coming on board with us. Everything is to be new. It may well be new when we move on board but it will all be broken within a couple of months. This involves spending a certain amount of money which could well be used to fit out the boat. We only have a finite amount for this and I have accounted for most of it in my workings out. It's a matter of priorities and the difference between them. Mine are obviously right and Lisa's are wrong of course.

I mentioned before that the oven had broken. Since then the neighbours have stepped in, felt sorry for us and given us their old combi microwave oven. This was five years old and in perfect working condition. In the very short time that we have owned it, the convection oven no longer works and the microwave timer is not as it should be. We are back to square one and that Christmas turkey is still looking decidedly raw. I've relented and we are now looking at buying a new one (a microwave, not a turkey) that hopefully will be low enough wattage to use on the boat. At least the microwave part of it. (it sounds as I hold the purse strings around here. Nothing could be further from the truth).

The fridge is the latest casualty in our catalogue of catastrophic breakages. I had balanced the aerial for the telly that's on top of the fridge against an empty bottle of wine to get a better picture (the aerial is already broken). A squeal from the kitchen indicated that Lisa had broken something else. The bottle had fallen from the top of the telly behind the fridge and the light in the fridge had gone out. Fortunately in this case it is merely the bulb and not the whole appliance. Just something else to fix. Where do you get fridge bulbs from? A fridge bulb shop I suppose.

Lisa's penchant for black ash (black plastic coated chip board) in her previous home (we all know where that was) means that we still have several items of that same black ash in the house. I for one will be pleased to see the back of that and will build a bonfire specially to see it gone. I think Lisa wants to put everything else on the fire. I don't think any of it would even be wanted on Freecycle.

Fortunately, as yet, we have not been arrested for being Columbian drug dealers nor has a Columbian hit team been knocking on our door wanting to avenge the slur on their good name (it really sound like I have something against Columbians).

Financial shenanigans

Further to my rant about electronic banking we have now given up trying to electronically transfer the funds for the second stage payment to the New Boat Company and have done what we should have done in the first place, regressed twenty years and sent a cheque. Lisa could send an electronic transfer of five thousand but any more than that was impossible. Going into the bank proved even more frustrating and they demanded £20.00 to transfer any more than £5000. Why? It's our money. They'll probably stop the account, return the cheque and investigate us as Columbian drug dealers (no disrespect to Colombians though. I'm just stereotyping. Not all drug dealers come from Columbia. Probably very few actually).

Why can we transfer £5000 without incurring charges but any more demands a fee of £20.00. Lisa, not known for her calm demeanour (she is from a council estate after all), remonstrated with the cashier in raised tones and then stormed out for dramatic effect, came home with a face like bulldog chewing a wasp and shouted at me for even more drama. But I reminded her of what she said before leaving that very morning, when I was having a rant about the same thing, “It could be worse, we could be dead”. Needless to say it didn't go down particularly well.

More and more agencies and companies are quoting security as the reason for messing us all about. Security against terrorism, security against fraud, security of our personal details falling into the wrong hands. They are relying on fear to keep us in check. But I'm not frightened. I most certainly am not. Not in deepest, darkest Leicestershire. They won't give us our own details quoting the Data Protection Act but throw them in the bin for anybody to find. We are not the ones who leave bin bags full of confidential bank details outside waiting collection by goodness knows who. We don't lose 25 million citizens personal details in the post, we don't sell DVLA details to any scronk who owns a vehicle clamping company. We need security from the incompetence of both government and big business. And I've just heard on the BBC (that oracle of all knowledge) that two more government agencies and a trade union have lost even more personal data.

We have now both decided to claim all of the 'illegal' charges that have been imposed upon us over the last six years by our relevant banks, dependant the the outcome of the test case going to the High Court on the 14th January next year. Do these people think we floated down the Ashby canal in a saucepan (that's as close to a canal reference as you'll get here). I'm beginning to sound like Victor Meldrew now.

And another thing..............

Chaos in the home

Terri is back from uni and causing chaos around the house. Her clothes are strewn everywhere and she is full of confidence. Not content with sitting around she has already got two jobs and insists in showing us what she has to do on her course. Her acting course consists of all manner of theatrical skills, voice, movement, acting, none of which make any sense to us.

She has been demonstration her singing and movement skills including sun salutation, downward dog, upward dog, little and big cobra and mountain pose, all apparently yoga movements. We are also privileged to hear the songs from all the current theater performances in London. Are we paying for this? No, you are or at least the taxpayer is.

Isn't the British education system great. Long may the so called 'Mickey Mouse' degrees reign. There are more than enough transferable skills in any one of these courses to see students through their working life (although they are sometimes hard to find if you don't want to see them). Terri has all manner of grants and loans from agencies, some refundable and some not and will be in the same amount of debt as most other students. But she doesn't skimp in the accommodation or food department and has never looked healthier.

Sam has taken to weeing on the bathroom rug for some unknown reason. The only thing we can think of is that she shared the bathroom with someone and sees what happens in there and has assumed that that is the place to do her business. She sometimes waits outside the bathroom in the morning for whoever to finish and when the door is opened, will pass you on the way out with an exchange of, “Good morning”s. By the time you have blearily realised what is about to happen it's too late and the rug is in the washing machine again. We will have to unlearn this behaviour when moving onto the boat.

Shell completed

Well I have just received the second stage payment invoice from The New Boat Company for the boat. The original contract was signed on the 15th November and this arrived on the 7th December. That makes it 22 days from the time of order to the completion of the hull. Take off four days for postage of the order to Liverpool Boats and postage of the invoice to me makes it 18 days for the hull from start to finish. That's not too bad I suppose for a 70 footer but they'd best get a move on with that engine, spray foaming and ballasting or I might be having words.

I have been transferring money between accounts today. Why does it take 2 days to electronically transfer money from one UK bank account to another? It's electronic. It's supposed to be instantaneous, that's the whole point. Don't get me started with the chequeing system and the five working days that takes. I can go to the hole in the wall and electronically withdraw money and it shows up in my internet banking instantaneously. I can log on to the computer and send electronic mail immediately. In the words of a fellow countryman, “Is it me”.

Our cooker has just died. It couldn't have picked a better time to go to that great cooker showroom in the sky. We're obviously reluctant to buy another as, since it's electric, will have no use for it on the boat. Lisa is wondering how we are to cook the turkey as the outlaws are over for Christmas lunch. Looks like it's going to be buffet. Maybe ply them all with wine punch and when they wake up we'll tell them they've already eaten it and they should really be getting home before it gets dark.

Diversification

It seems that recession is on the way. I could have told them that some time ago. The bow making business is the same as ever but it's the selling that has slowed to a grinding halt. English longbows are a luxury item and it's these lavish goods that are the first to go to the wall in troubled times. A bit like new narrowboats. The builders are going to suffer over the next year as the number of new builds decrease, the number of boats on the second hand market increase and prices fall.

However, farmers are always told to diversify, to try other methods of making money, to use their land for other purposes and this seems like a very good idea. There are many wooden items on boats from cratch boards to virtually anything on the inside. I have the tools, I'll have the workshop, I am soon to gain the experience so I think that the openings are obvious. It really depends on the quality of the fit out .

On the subject of cratch boards, they contain about six main pieces of wood and some mouldings, a method of joining them together, some screws and maybe a bit of glass. Manufacturers charge between £300 and £650 for these and would probably take a day to knock up. I'm in the wrong business. Making a good longbow takes a lot more skill than making cratch boards or am I missing something. I'm probably missing something. That's what Lisa says anyway.

Terri's back from uni tomorrow and it'll be good to see her. She has little enthusiasm for the boat and we had to wait until she left home to allow ourselves to order it. The second bedroom on the plan is hers, if she ever wants it. Personally I would have extended my workshop and she could have slept in the lounge but I don't make the decisions around here. I only think I do.

What, moorings?

We don't have a mooring. There, I've said it. I confess, we don't have a mooring for our new boat. Once you've recovered after your sharp intake of breath, take a seat, calm down. Now, deep breathing. In, out, in and out. I know, we should have put down for one three or four years ago but with the new tendering system that was absolutely pointless with BW. Maybe we should have done it with a private mooring contractor. But the thing is, we don't want one.

We hate the thought of a marina with the neighbours 12 inches to the left and right. We do not want to be hooked up to the mains electricity. We do not want water at the end of the pontoon. We do not want a shop, laundrette, chandlery, wi-fi, pump-out, elsan disposal, workshop facilities or anything else. We do not want any of the 'conveniences' that are offered by these overpriced slums. We want our independence. We want our freedom. We want to be at one with the people and not locked in our gated communities.

Even an in-line mooring is a bit pointless and I can think of few benefits of having your own piece of over-priced BW land to moor on. We will be Constant Cruisers. The heroes of the waterways. But even worse, we will very probably be that enemy of the people, the most hated of all canal users, the nemeses of the law abiding boater, we will be... Bridge Hoppers. Get on the phones now and contact BW, shock, horror. There are people here admitting to the fact that they will be bridge hoppers.

Having read many narrowboat blogs and now have feeds to 33 of them, it appears that the bloggers are the most tolerant of all boaters. It seems that some of the forum users and writers of some web sites (you know who I mean) are what I call, the 'collaborators'. They love to tell us all how righteous and law abiding they are and love to tell us all that we must all have licences, BSCs, insurance, moorings, cow down to 'our masters'. Stick to the rules because rules is rules. Well not me. No sir'ee. I can think for myself. I'm not a number. I'm a free man (with a free partner).

Is that a blue flashing light outside? Oh dear. I'm going out now. I may be some time.

The waiting is the hardest part

It seems that I have annoyed Lisa with my quip about council estates. Oh dear. She also seems to think that I come across as a grumpy old bugger with pretensions above my station, abrupt in my comments and sometimes harsh. Well I can assure one and all that this is exactly the way things are. This is not some sort of interweb persona you know. I mean, have you ever been on a council estate. Absolutely appalling. It seems that Lisa grew up on one. She should have told me earlier. I blame the parents. You can take the girl from the estate but you...(terminated thread due to self preservation)

We are now at the beginning of December and it may arrive this month. I've never been very good at this waiting malarkey and, as I have stated earlier, when I want something I want it now. I could never have ordered a boat and waited a year for delivery or would have been a basket case towards the end.

Rather sadly we have been hanging around in canal bars frequented by narrow boaters (well they would frequent canal bars wouldn't they) over the last couple of years or so, usually the Lime Kilns on the Ashby. I suppose that this is akin to wannabes who hang around with their heroes hoping to be taken on as an apprentice hero and be accepted into the world of heroes and, in turn, to become a hero themselves and have their own apprentices. The good side of this rather pathetic behaviour is that we have looked at many boats and come up with, what we believe, is the best ideas from each. Lisa still disturbs me when, on entering a narrowboat says, “It's quite narrow, isn't it.”

We have discussed our plans with several boaters and they are generally in agreement with most of the ideas but that may be more to do with the amount of ale consumed rather the the quality of the design. Surprisingly, it is the fact that we are planning for the boat to be a television free zone that most are enthusiastic about but I think that people like the idea of being freed from the constraints of the television than actually going ahead and doing it.

The fact of gas freeness is also reasonably popular. I don't have a problem with the danger aspect of gas (but Lisa believes that all gas will explode as soon as you turn it on, turn it off or generally be around it) but hate the inconvenience of the complicated burners with a multitude of safety devices that provide the heating, cooking etc and the fact that I have to pay a so called 'professional' to fix it when it inevitably goes wrong. The central heating will be powered from a solid fuel Rayburn as will the hot water in conjunction with the engine running a twin coil calorifier. If necessary, we will retro fit a central heating system at a future date.

Dear landlord

We have not owned our own home for five years or so and would be unable to re-enter the housing market now even if we wanted to. We have rented from a large land owning estate (no, not a council estate) without a problem. They tend to leave us alone, content to put the rent up by 10% every two years.

They do however inspect the property every two years to look for structural problems, items for repair and, I suppose, infringements of the tenancy agreement. Today was their inspection and we had a visit from Tory Boy and the Honey Monster (you didn't see them) who promptly tripped over the dog (tenancy infringement, the dog not the tripping). It was not onerous or anything like it but it emphasised to us that this house is not our own. I know that when we own the boat, and are living on it, that a BSS geezer, or geezeress (or should that be geezess), will want to root around the boat every four years but at least they are there taking an objective view of the boat and looking at it as our property and not looking around our home as rented and at us as a tenants. It is an important aspect of our social world, to feel secure in your own chosen home and not to feel as if you are doing wrong or infringing on others or their property.

The agency that runs the estate forgot to put in the tenancy agreement what the notice period was but I think that we'd best give them the normal 28 days for fear of losing our deposit on spurious grounds. We haven't told them that we are leaving yet and there is, so far, little sign around the place that we are doing so in the very near future. There will be much frantic activity taking place here at some indeterminate time a few weeks from now. We are putting off the inevitable until then (but we do have the odd box gathered together and some of them are very odd indeed).

Wood you believe it

I visited my timber merchants today. Not the one I will use for the boat fitting but the one I use for my bow making. There are many exotic woods available at the yard and I found some Indian rosewood that had been cut with a mortise and tenon joints. Slightly baffled, I asked Barry, the timber geezer, what these were for.

“Have you had a job lot of seconds.”

“No they're picture frames”."Picture frames. They are six inches thick and 2 metres long."

“Aahh!” said he. “To export it from India the timber has to be shaped into something. These were exported as picture frames and these”, he held aloft another enormous piece of timber, “are rungs for a ladder.”

They were obviously for a giant's ladder and not for mere mortals like you and me.

Anyway got me to thinking about wood. The timber used on the boat will be all ash. Ash faced ply for the lining out and solid ash for the coamings, mouldings and frames. Most people would buy in the coamings and mouldings but these are extortionately expensive. My plan is to make my own from ash planks. I already have the machinery to make the job easy and am used to working with blank timber. The thicknesser and the router should pay for themselves. My newest tool is a biscuit jointer to make the furniture. Never used one before but think it will be very useful. I'm not a real carpenter and as such can cheat as much as I like. No dovetail joints on this boat. Lisa wants a country style galley and I think that mortise and tenon joints would suit very well to give that chunky, country feel. Although a well made galley may be several months down the line. We may initially have to be content with an Ikea table and a single cold tap.

I do love to be beside the seaside beside the sea

Lisa loves the sea. I'm quite ambivalent about it. This weekend we took our new camper to the seaside. I say new camper but it is an eighteen year old ex ambulance. We bought it so it could double up to carry the ash faced ply boards and all of the chandlery for fitting the boat and initially give us some extra stowage space.

The thing drinks petrol like there's no environmental crisis. For the cost of the fuel used during the weekend, we could have flown to Vienna, had two good meals, and waltzed the night away in a luxury hotel and still had change for the taxi home. As it was, we were jammed in the back of a freezing, dirty, wet vehicle looking at a freezing, dirty, wet sea. It has translucent panels in the roof and we parked right under a street light (I know, I know). We woke up at 2 am and could read without turning on the interior lamps. To put a canal spin on this, at least I'm learning how not to fit out.

It's Granny's fault

Well thanks to Granny things have been going a bit mad around here. Granny Buttons give me a mention and the audience figures have gone through the roof and takings are up. That's what it's all about though, bums on seats laddie, bums on seats. Not normally known for over-exaggeration, I'm absolutely cock-a-hoop but also a little baffled and not a little disturbed at the number of people who are reading this drivel. A narrowboat blog from someone without a narrowboat. There's no accounting for taste.

Nagging doubts

I'm starting to have nagging doubts about the layout I've planned. Also the size of the portholes. I've included a copy of the layout for any comments (positive only please. We don't want any negative waves here Moriarty). I'm wondering if the bulkheads are in the right place. Will the saloon be big enough? Is my workshop going to be large enough to make bows? Will I really be able to fit a sold fuel Rayburn through the front door? Does it look aesthetic from the outside? Will the jumbled mess that's in my head really result in a decent boat? (Don't worry. These are rhetorical questions).

The boat is all portholes and I found myself frantically flicking through old copies of waterways magazines to investigate whether there is going to be enough light. Someone stop me from getting on the phone and screaming at the person on the other end, "Stop this madness. I don't want it to go any further. Cancel the whole thing, keep my deposit and I'll buy a small semi somewhere in the north of England." Whoever they are.

There are also two side doors at the back on either side in my planned workshop. At the front, there is one in the galley and one opposite the dinette and these will have opening glazed inner doors on the inside to allow more light. The coloured spots on the plan are either lights or mushrooms. It's all blindingly obvious. Well it all makes sense to me.

My refusal to buy any modern software for my computer dictates that I have to pass it through several different pieces of, sometimes ancient, software to change it from an OpenOffice spreadsheet to a jpg file. It seems to have come out okay. I might even get a photo on here soon.

Interweb resources

Is Tony Brooks' site http://www.tb-training.co.uk/ the most useful on the interweb to those of us fitting out or thinking about fitting out a narrowboat? It is certainly the most helpful practical guide that I have found covering most aspects of the systems involved.

The one exception is the 240 volt systems as this is not covered as comprehensively. I should imagine that Tony has come to the conclusion that people can kill themselves fitting this wrongly and didn't wish to be a part of the problem wanting to remain firmly routed in the solution side of things. Very sensible I'd say. I'd envisage that some of his diagrams will be printed and pinned to the inside of the boat and scrutinised during that first month.

Habitability

I feel that I may need to clarify what I mean by 'a habitable standard'. The word habitable is, of course, relative. The Duke of Westminster's idea of habitability will be very different from Josef the tramp's . We will be very happy with a lined boat with bulkheads up, a solid fuel stove, a little cold running water, a few lights and some loose furniture initially (well that's what Lisa said. Whether she actually means that is an entirely different thing). Showering facilities can be arranged with friends, laundry at the launderette. We are not strangers to a little bit of hardship.

The boat will not be finished for at least a year (if ever). We'd rather the £800 it takes to keep our rented house ticking over went on our boat and not into our landlord's pocket. In 'The Narrowboat Builder's Book', Graham Booth reckons he took 1390 hours to finish Rome. I think that I can get in 250 hours on Pickles in the first month and that way we can make it habitable to a greater or lesser extent (possibly the latter). Naive, stupid or brilliant. You decide.

Contract signed.

I drove down to Hanbury Wharf today to sign the contract. It was all done with the least bit of ceremony (“There it is." "Sign there." "That's it." "Thank you.”) as Lisa was visiting Terri (keep up and read the cast of characters) who was with the outlaws. I'm not normally one for ceremony or fuss but when it comes to something that is a life changing purchase, I think that a little celebration wouldn't have gone amiss. A little disappointing perhaps as I fancied a pint at the time.

According to the contract, there is also the distinct possibility that the boat will be delivered in December. Well that would be a very pleasant Chrizzy prezzy and it would keep me off the streets over the festive period. It may also allow me to extend the intended 30 day fit out period to a slightly more reasonable time frame (it's my time frame after all). The build time could be as little as four weeks. This seems incredible for the amount of work necessary. I appreciate that Liverpool Boats are a mass production commercial operation who build masses of hulls yearly but four weeks would be pushing it. This is one of the reasons we chose The New Boat Company and their Kingfisher sailaway from Liverpool Boats. When I want something, I want it now. I'm not really big on metalwork (I don't even know how to weld but must learn this year) and very pleasing as Josher type bows are, in my opinion, they do not warrant the extra cost and extra time that the yards that produce this style of boat would take. Also I do not tend to be very pernickity (I don't think that is even a word) about things.

Toodle pip

Village life

We currently live in a small Leicestershire village and today I bumped into one of the other inhabitants whilst walking our relative dogs. Knowing that it was time to announce our impending departure and knowing that said inhabitant would inform the all other inhabitants by the end of the day, I mentioned that we would probably be leaving early next year for a boat. She told me that, 'the interesting people always leave'. We are the least interesting people here. This place has more intriguing, odd and eccentric characters than Royston Vasey. Indeed, in comparison to our fictional counterpart, this village looks positively insane. Long may it be so. I shall miss it, and them, and do hope the same diversity of characters are there on the cut.

Bears, contracts and bloggers

Don't you just hate Pudsey Bear day. Well I do anyway. Listening to Radio 2 in the workshop makes me think that if you want to give to charity, brilliant but don't think that the rest of the country needs to know about it. And you really don't need to bathe in that huge vat of custard before you do it.

I emailed the New Boat Company to see if they had finalized the contract ready for signing and it will be this weekend. The word 'eager' was used in the reply as in the fact that Liverpool Boats were 'eager' to start the boat. I can't imagine that this eagerness extends to the sheet metal fabricators or welders. I imagine that the company is eager for my money. Wait a minute. Why are they so eager for my money. Are they in financial trouble and hoping that this order will bale them out. All sorts of things go through your head when you are dealing with these kind of sums. I'd best read the contract carefully and ensure that it is in the BMF format. I think I'd best put the eagerness down to marketing.

How do other bloggers find you after being live for only two days? I was taking a break from the workshop and playing around with feeds and Feedburner. (I still have no idea how it all works. What's the difference between Atom and RSS? I chose Atom as I know what an atom is but as for an RSS. No idea. Really Simple Syndication apparently. Well if it was so simple I'd know what it was.) Anyway, admiring my statistics I was proud to find that no one had been on my page (except for the inevitable bots), no one had read it and no one had subscribed. Then, suddenly, the number 1 appeared replacing the number 0 in front of me. The perfect 0 was gone for ever. Well thank you very much Maffi. And I can assure you that there is absolutely no class or taste here.

I'm devastated

I can't believe it. I've just found that nb Debdale is using the same blogging template as I've chosen. Incredible. Even down to the clock. I suppose it's up to me change mine to something a little more unique as theirs seems to have been on the go since August. However I don't know the blogging etiquette for this kind of thing and may leave it for the time being. I don't suppose there's copyright on templates by end users.

Act one Scene one

Well here we are then.

The plan is much the same as many others before us and in this respect it has all been done before. The time frame however is a little less than many of those same others would probably wish for. Thirty days to fit out a new sailaway 70' narrowboat to a habitable standard, move out of our existing home and move lock, stock and two smokers onto said boat. How difficult can it be?

The deposit has now been paid, the build slot is booked and any second thoughts will be expensive. We've only been planning it for ten years. I say planning it but we didn't really start planning until Easter 2007. Before that we were merely dreaming, talking, assuming and generally thinking about the possibility of the concept. When we were students the seed was sown when we bought an ancient Dawncraft 22 with our student loan (whoever said students weren't responsible with their funds). The Dawncraft saw us around the midland canal system for a good month or so. OK we didn't have running water, electricity, cooking facilities or headroom. But we did have a cat, an eight year old daughter, too much beer/wine and adventures aplenty.

When we ordered it from The New Boat Company they said that there aren't many orders made for sailways at this time of year for delivery in January. Really, I wonder why. I think I may be missing something. Not only that but we will have to sail/drive/navigate (delete as appropriate) to our home location. That should be fun.

The thirty days doesn't start until we get the boat onto the Ashby Canal where it will be moored. Hey. It's my blog and I'll say when it starts. OK.

The boat is due at the end of January and we now have a little bit preparation to be getting on with. I'll get some pictures on here when I have something to picture and work out how to do it all.

Toodle pip